A Lid for Every Pot: There's a Partner for Everyone
© 2001 by Kathryn Alice
& © 2003-2004 The Alice Tompkins Company
Betsy met Chuck on a plane when they were seated together. She was covered head to toe in psoriasis (an allergic reaction that soon faded). She didn't give a second thought to romance, even though Chuck was a handsome, warm man. Betsy felt so undesirable that she didn't try to be anything other than herself. Why bother? Two years later, the two are now a couple.
Bob and Laura met when working together on a political campaign. Neither considered the other "relationship material," so they felt free to exchange life stories with no editing. A bond was developed, and the two ended up married. Stories such as these abound.
From a spiritual perspective, it makes sense that you would meet your mate while being yourself. Almost every religion holds being one's self sacred. By censoring yourself or curbing your behavior, you pre-judge yourself with no idea what another person may find appealing. This self-censoring means you fear that you're not okay just as you are. You are anticipating rejection and rejecting yourself in the process. David Marcus and Naznee Askari reported in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology this year that the perception of rejection in a clinical study on dating most often had no relation to any actual rejection. In other words, people who feared they were rejected were not, in the majority of cases, rejected.