The Pain of Being Single
© 2003 Holistipak

It’s been six months since Judith’s last relationship, and she hates being single. "Valentine’s Day was a nightmare. I dreaded it for weeks and wanted to crawl into a hole when it arrived. I didn’t want to go anywhere, because people would know I was single. So I stayed home, depressed." She was even worried that her neighbors would see in her window that she was alone and pity her. "I almost went out with a guy I would never date just to have something to do. But that would have been even more depressing. Thank God Valentine’s Day is over. I just hope that by the holidays, I have a boyfriend." Judith still stays in on Saturday nights, ashamed she doesn’t have a date.

A DISEASE: This attitude —that being single is a disease to be cured as quickly as possible — is pervasive. Even at my workshops, people mention that they hesitated to show up for fear of admitting they were single. The image of the spinster, the desperate single girl or the isolated nerd are all too common in the media, in movies and in popular culture. In fact, it’s not the state of being single that is painful, it is how you look at it. If you buy the oft-depicted lonely images, you will cast yourself as a miserable victim who will never find love and like Judith, put yourself into a state of continual misery. This is a waste of what should be a glorious time in your life.

A BREAKTHROUGH: The series Sex and the City was a breakthrough for singlehood. It depicted four unattached women in their thirties and forties living lives of adventure and fun. The men that filtered through their lives were important but didn’t define them, and the married characters were less interesting. In this world, being single was opportune.